Shia LaDouche or Shia LaDeity?

I went to a Catholic High School mostly because “all my friends were going”, and because I got to wear a pretty cute uniform skirt which I’d hike up every chance I got ; An act that very often landed me in detention.

While I didn’t really pay too much attention in Religion class, I did come away with a few things. Some rules Catholicism likes to call The 10 Commandments. Numero Uno on His list is not worshiping any other gods. Yours truly went through a Wiccan stage in High School but I’m pretty certain that any of the Gods/Goddesses I was worshiping at the time were way fucking cooler than Shia LaBeouf, so forgive me if this collection of artwork from crazed fans is a wee bit disturbing.  As a culture we tend to take our celebrities and turn them into Gods. Now, fans are creating their own religions based on these celebs.

I recently found out there is a fictional religion in which LaBeouf is the Messiah, called The Church of Shiantology. Don’t believe me? Well feast your heathen eyes on the link below:

A letter from Shia to the Shiatonians

Are these girls/women wowed by his dynamite performance as the annoying little brother on Disney’s Even Stevens? His oscar worthy acting in Holes? Perhaps it was just his steamy 3 minute, not even any wang showing, make out scene in Disturbia? I just don’t get it.  By conventional standards, he isn’t even that good looking. He’s certainly not a Clooney (who gets my vote for most God like) or a DiCaprio, he’s barely a Haim or a Feldman in terms of talent! (Yes, both Corey’s are more fascinating to me than LaBeouf)

But wait..you know what?..Hang on, the more I think of it, the more these Shiantologists have a valid point! Let’s go to the showdown:

Jesus Vs Shia SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! RACEEWAYYY PARK!

Jesus – performed miracles e.g. loaves & fishes, water into wine, healing the sick, sacrificed himself and remained celibate for the good of mankind.

Shia– saves the world from robots while banging Megan Fox and then bangs Rhianna before she gets her face all messed up by Chris Brown. So really, I’m pretty sure Shia wins this battle. K.O.!

I’m sold. Do you Shiantologists serve punch and cookies after the service?

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4 Responses to Shia LaDouche or Shia LaDeity?

  1. The Chef says:

    The only beverage these whack-jobs should serve is “Jonestown Cult Punch“…

    Hilarious!

  2. glorifiedg says:

    I drink your kool aid..I drink it up!

  3. heathercomingtogether says:

    the insider tells us that “Shia LaBeouf’s Humor Came From His Naked, Weed-Smoking Parents” ….. comparable to “The Virgin” Mary and “The Shepherd” Joseph? i think not!

  4. glorifiedg says:

    These people are bananas.
    B-a-n-a-n-a-s.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to light the candles next to my Zack Morris shrine.

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